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Promise of a Lifetime

Promise of a Lifetime - Kutless

I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I'm feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away
Then I remember the pledge you made to me
I know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime
Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow
Through the change
I still remember the pledge you made to me
I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside
And I am comforted

So I guess I'm starting up in blogspot again after having reverted to xanga. Thanks Pauline for reminding me about these blogs and sharing God's work in your life. ♡

This week has probably been confusing enough to be in the collection of extremely depressing and fluctuating weeks in the past year... well, added to the many. But once again God shines through in the midst of darkness, and that comforts me. Things that have happened the past week + few days has really brought me down. Sometimes there are those lines that you wish you don't cross, but you do. You end up doing things that hurt God, and you feel like you fall so far from Him. That's what happened for me, but it was an experience. It made me realize and see the temptation and the things this world wants me to hold on to. I'm glad we were able to go through that obstacle together, to be able to pray together, cry together and accept each other in all our imperfections. I think this week has shown me so much about love. Things never really work out the way you want in life, and many times there will be these downs that seem to drown out the happiness in our lives. But God is there watching over our every step, and granting us peace if only we ask. And... although I have this revelation from Winter Retreat, the past week has battered me down substantially. However, by faith that might move mountains, I'm clinging on. Sometimes, loving someone takes a lot of effort, but if we base that love in a reflection of God's love for us, it becomes a bit easier. I love you, really I do, and I'm really glad that through the power of God and His love and His mercy and His forgiveness and His all encompassing acceptance, we are better now . ♡

Also, this past week, my 婆婆 passed away. It was so shocking hearing my mom tell me that day, picking me up from school. When I got home the tears just kept coming and coming. Things I've done that I regret so much flooded me. To imagine that my 婆婆 loved me so much, missed me so much... Last time Fannie went back to HK, 婆婆 kept calling her 昕昕 because she missed me that much. In the past 6 years, she hasn't seen me. I pains me so much, that I barely remember what she looks like. Knowing that I'm her granddaughter, but she never got to see me grow up, never got to see me serve at church, never got to see me become the sucessful person that I hopefully will become. However, the thing that pained me most was that the very last memory she had of me was me telling her I'll be back to visit her soon. That I'll be back to treat her to good food and bring her out and have fun. It pains me so much to not be able to go through with that promise. It pains me more to know that I may never get to see her at all. And when I first found out, I cried my heart out because she did not know God.

Or so I thought. My sorrow turned into joy when my mom told me something I didn't know before. My 婆婆 did know God. She ended up going to church and accepting Christ. After her heart stopped, my mom told my uncle to quickly put the phone to her ear. You see, people can still hear and process words even after their heart stops. My mom was telling my 婆婆 how we're doing well over here, that my sister and I are doing well in school. My mom told her not to worry and how once she gets to heaven, there will be no more pain, and she'll be with my other grandparents. My mom told her how much she loved her, and how much she missed her and wished she could've been there for my 婆婆 to see her one last time. After saying all this, something miraculous happened. My 婆婆 shed two tears, one from each eye, and they rolled down her face. After hearing this, I cried again. I'm shedding tears now as I write about it. How good God is. To allow our love and our sorrow to travel across the ocean halfway around the world to my 婆婆. So she would know just how much we love her and how much we'll miss her. I really really regret not going back to HK sooner, and I really wish she could've at least see me grow up. I will really miss both my grandmothers... I wish I could've gotten to know them better. But now I'll never be able to. However, they're with God now, watching over me, and I'll do my best to be someone that they can be proud of.

To my grandmothers, I love you both and I hope you're watching over me from heaven. I'll be someone you can smile at and be proud of.

I promise.

"Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted."
Matthew 5:4

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18